At what age does a guy become a grown man? Not just in the legal sense I mean. There are certain behaviours that we define as childish or immature and should’ve put aside as we grow up.
It’s not something that happens overnight though, for men in particular.I feel quite comfortable and confident in saying…. it takes us longer to mature than it does for women.
So here is my highly opinionated list of things to drop when you’re around about the 35 mark.
If you are a little younger….great. But make sure you have lived a little first…you don’t want to be too sensible!
Still stuck in these habits post 40? Come on…..are you not getting bored of this crap?
Before I go any further I would like to point out that I am firm believer in the notion of “everything in moderation”. And sometimes that includes moderation itself.
There is nothing wrong with once in a while going out and getting totally wasted, stuffing yourself full of food or immersing yourself in certain carnal pleasures.
However spending each and every weekend suffering from a hangover or a come down is a total waste of time and takes it’s toll on your body and your energy levels.
No wonder you never find the time or have the motivation to do the things you have been meaning to do for years. You begin to look haggard and exhausted.
And then there inevitably comes a time when all your “grown up” friends have moved on and left you behind and you’re still hanging out with the same losers or a bunch of kids.
The same applies to sex. Trust me I NEVER thought I would say this. As you grow up (at last) the focus should be aimed at quality rather than quantity.
A large quantity of high quality sex would be ideal.
Sleeping with people who you do not have much of a connection with, or doing it just to get your numbers up becomes unfulfilling and takes up too much time and effort in comparison to the pleasure you get from it.
Not for one second am I suggesting you abstain until you settle down to a monogamous relationship, sex is something we all need.
It is the most natural and pleasurable thing in the world and does not always have to involve love or a relationship.
Just make sure sex is not complicating things for you or encroaching on other areas of your life.
Plying your body with crap food.
Healthy people are attractive. Unhealthy people are not. It’s very simple. Eating rubbish causes you to be less healthy looking.
Along with physical activity and sleep it is essential to eat properly.
You don’t have to dedicate all of your disposable income to organic and locally sourced food or become a vegan.
Food is one of life’s greatest and most simple pleasures and is there to be enjoyed. But remember the saying: “You are what you eat”.
Be careful about what you put in to your body, doing so will pay dividends. You will feel much much better in terms of mood and vitality.
It is also essential to eat well if you are training. All the work you do in the gym or in the squash court, wherever, is futile if you still load your body up with the same old crap.
Become less reliant on processed foods and ready made meals. They only serve one true purpose…..to make you eat more of them therefore making more money for the big companies who manufacture these foods. For that reason they are loaded up with the three ingredients to get us wanting more. Sugar, salt and fat (the bad kind of fat). To say nothing of all the chemicals and additives put in as well.
Learn to cook your own meals. Start with something simple if you are not great in the kitchen.
Preparing and working with food, so long as you are not rushed, can feel very relaxing. Therapeutic even. You will feel really pleased with yourself when devouring a meal put together by your own fair hands.
Other people will be impressed too…women especially. Great food really gets them in the mood as eating, done the right way, just like sex, is a sensual pleasure.
Some people radiate positivity and energise you. Fair enough they cannot be expected to have this effect on you all the time though. Other people are just downright morose and negative, draining you.
Perhaps it is just their personality or maybe there is something about them that is always attracting trouble, grief and drama.
It is almost inevitable that this bad energy (sorry to sound like a hippy) will have some kind of detrimental effect on you even if it’s in a very minor way.
Avoid these people like the plague.
As you get a bit older you begin to realise how precious time is and you don’t want to waste it trying to fix other peoples problems that they should be addressing themselves.
Don’t get me wrong when life deals a kick in the nuts to someone you are close to…stand by them.
But people who constantly seem to have drama in their life will drag you down and hold you back. Cut them out of your life (at least for a time)….it’s better for you and perhaps it will bring them out of their self indulgence too.
Borrowing and/or lending money to people.
This is the quickest way to fall out with people. Don’t do either.
If you are not prepared to completely write the money off with a glad heart do not lend money to anyone.
Think of a polite excuse..or better still tell the truth: You don’t lend money to anyone, you value the relationship too much to want to risk falling out with them.
If you are one of those who borrow from other people then stop it. Do without and get your shit together.
Emergency situations and extenuating circumstances are the exception to the rule.
Dressing like an idiot.
Of course I am going to say this, style is something that I am really in to. But it’s true, people in their teens and twenties who go out look ridiculous can be forgiven, they are young and they don’t know any better and the same probably applies to those they hang out with.
Once you get in to your thirties you really should have smartened your act up. It’s not even a case of going so far as to look elegant and tasteful.
I understand that it’s not everyones top priority. But come on, do not wait for other people, your partner, your friends and co-workers to point out when you look a bit stupid. You are a grown adult, you should know.
Over reliance on other people.
It’s totally pathetic that grown adults rely on other people to feel fulfilled. People who can’t go out because no one is around or won’t go on holiday because everyone else is busy are shutting themselves off from new experiences.
Sure it is great to share things with other people. But do not let other peoples plans or lack of availability cause you to miss out.
Learn to do stuff on your own. If you are a people person and like doing things with someone else or in groups then this may take a bit of time to adjust to, but trust me it is worth it. You are opening yourself up to a whole new set of adventures by becoming more independent.
When you travel you will meet people who you may not have met if you had someone else tagging along with you.
When you go out in the evening you can go where you like, turn up when you like and leave whenever suits you. And guy’s if you meet a women there’s no jealous or drunk friends around to cock-block you.
This is the twenty first century, no one (or at least very few people) will look at you as a Billy no-mates.
Want to look youthful and vital not just now but in years to come? As well as eating properly you need to exercise regularly.
The investment in yourself has to be made as early as possible. The longer you defer an active lifestyle the harder it is to adopt and the less time you have to reap the benefits which are too numerous to mention.
Everyone who looks good for their age and looks great in almost everything they wear all have one thing in common. They exercise and they keep themselves active.
You will always feel better for getting your body moving,providing you don’t get injured. After all it is what your body is designed to do.
Think about this… how often have you heard someone say “I wish I hadn’t done that workout” or “training makes me feel awful”?
The only way you are going to stick to it is if you make it part of your daily routine. It becomes more of an inconvenience to miss your training or activity than it is to do it.
Being broke holds you back and stops you from engaging with the adult world.
Love life’s simple pleasures and beware of a lifestyle that is extravagant…however having no money becomes a real bore and can make life tedious and dull. Not to mention the stress it brings which of course you can do without.
For sure money is not everything. Often we are happiest when are lives are stripped down to the bare basics.
Let’s not be naive though….money matters. It gives you experience and opportunities that you cannot have when you are broke. Whatever it is that may be causing you to be broke, see to it.
If you are broke though here’s a useful quote from a book you really should read.
“How Simple and frugal a thing is happiness: a glass of wine, a roast chestnut , awretched little brazier, the sound of the sea….All that is required to feel that here and now is happiness is a simple, frugal heart”
Nikos Kazantzakis from Zorba the Greek.
Be inventive in finding ways to raise your income or modify your lifestyle to bring your outgoings down.
Remember: use your brain. The key is to work smarter not just harder.
Living like a slob.
Is it too much to expect grown adults to be able to look after themselves properly?
Guy’s that have been waited on hand and foot by their mum’s or partners show a lack of maturity and competence as an adult.
What kind of women are you going to attract in to your life living like a pig in shit? You think women, attractive women who have a lot of options available to them are going to be impressed by you wallowing in your own filth? They most likely won’t come near you.
You will also find yourself much more focus and organised when there is a place for everything and everything is in its place. Furthermore it’s hard to feel homely and settled in a place that looks like a rubbish tip. Living that way drains you.
Of course this list is not exhaustive but I have tried to keep it to those habits and behaviours that I see pop up most of all.
Do you think I have been a bit harsh?
What other types of behaviour or habits do you think we should kick as we near the 40 mark?